sorry

The past 5 months have been nothing short of eye-opening and everyday since has been a learning lesson for me. I can't deny I have been happy, I have felt anxious, I cried, I doubted myself most of the time, I didn't have the confidence to embrace the unknown.. but at every step I know I was not alone. Thank you for always making me feel like everything's going to be okay. 

I overcame most of my self-doubt and lack of confidence, but I still failed. You once said love should be simple. We'll always try to do something right, after all, love is hard, and when you keep trying to do everything right, it can still fall apart. I knew this day would happen; that one day both of us will just give up on me. I don't know what to do. I recite my next sentence a million times in my head, but I still can't seem to speak up. I've never felt so helpless. I know staying silent is ten times worse, but I really don't trust myself to say/do anything at this point, especially when everything is just hanging by a thread. 

I'm sorry. I can only say this a thousand times, but nothing will change. For everything that you've done, for your willingness to invest your time and income on me. Everything I've done is replaceable, anyone can do what I do; but to do it for love, without wanting any single thing. I just want you to know, I too, have never expected anything in return. I guess with that being said, I still failed, failed at the simple fact that I just want to do everything for you. I am human, I err. Few seconds too slow, lack of confidence and common sense at times, I fear a lot of small things. I cripple when I'm sad. My tears flow when its not supposed to. I know I'm no where near perfect. 

I'm sorry. 

I guess I know why you never held my hand tight proudly. I'm sorry, thank you.