2019

For all the hardships, the challenges, heartbreak, downfalls, etc.. I've faced , I survived. I'm proud of myself for the single fact that I've survived everything that had happened in the past, but I'm also scared. I'm scared of things being so uncertain and changing ever so quickly. Though I'm dealing with a lot more change than usual, the reality is that most days start and end with uncertainty. Anything could change in a heartbeat.

My past may not be the happiest. It may not be the smoothest, but then again, no one else's is. On most days, there are happiness, there are contentment and thankfulness for everything. Then there are also days where I fight solo battles, trying to prove my worth in this world. Self-comforting that I deserve a reasonable amount of love and respect I desire. I will always want more. More happiness, more love, more of everything good. Is that normal? Will someone turn their back on me because I can never settle with just having enough.

What even are struggles when we just look beyond the tears after it flows, forget about them after its done. We tell ourselves we're alright,  but we'll never know if the day may come where everything just comes rushing back forcing us to be powerless and just endure all of it all at once. There’s only so much one can take. 

p.s. I just want to feel like I’m the only one. No hiding behind what people believe is true. If this is the truth, why can’t we just make it a reality. How much more can I take?