'I did it my way'

Sometimes we're okay with people leaving our life, but sometimes we're not.

Grandpa has been admitted to the hospital for a few days now, after he had a fall.

He fell several times but this may be one of the worst.

It's heartbreaking enough he chose this solitary life, what more to see him in pain.

Making a choice is subjective, people say 'I prefer this..', 'I rather do that..' or 'I don't want that..' but do we truly know if its a disposable choice, an unwilling assurance?

He was once fearless, firmly stands by his words, heck he was once so relentless everyone was compliant.

It's a fact that when we age we lose our status as persons even so we lose the respect of fellow beings.

Everything that made him once mighty and firm has been muddled into a confusion.

Aging is a scary thing. Your body starts failing you bit by bit, organs shutting down one by one.

Sigh.

It's scary; you won't even know when it is time to go, when will be the last time you see a familiar face.

We all want to be happy everyday don't we all? Live our life to the fullest, seeing every part of the world, dancing and partying till the AM.

How often do we grasp the reality and embrace the fact that our parents, even grandparents are getting older every second.

I am posting this, because I too hate to admit the cold hard truth but I'm putting this out here and it doesn't make me less of a person..

..that I am afraid of losing him. I am afraid of the day where we bid our final goodbye. I feel uneasy seeing him lay in the hospital bed. I am disturbed by the fact that he has to be nursed by others who are not family to him. I am troubled by the fact that he is alone most of the time.

I have the exact same birthday as grandpa and we always celebrate our birthdays together, grandpa and mine. It has always been a happy and exciting affair for our family and it has been 25 good years celebrating our birthdays together eversince I came to this world.

Every year we have photos of Grandpa and I standing together behind the cake, while everyone else stands in front of us.. it was such an honour, truly.

Now, I am just afraid of the time when I have to spend my birthday all to myself.