following the heart

I've decided. From now on, I will follow my heart. Regardless if its broken, or restored, I will always follow it.

We go through so much emotional stress and sadness, our heart breaks a little every single time. How amazing it is that its still beating strong despite being used to feeling numb, despite having it getting tossed away and taken for granted time and time again.

Speaking of taking things for granted, I've learnt that every time you take someone for granted, you're teaching them to live without you. Sometimes people just don't notice your presence in their life until you stop being there. Eventually, when you're tired of being taken for granted, you put yourself first and make the decision to walk away.

I'm tired, of wanting to feel appreciated especially from someone who meant a lot. It doesn't just damage any relationship, it destroys your self-esteem as a person. It makes you feel like nothing you do is good enough, and worst it makes you feel insignificant; unworthy of attention you craved so badly. So yes, welcome to the end of the long, miserable road of relationship collapse. 

You.

You took me for granted. You thought I'd always be there, forever. You stopped asking for my opinion and advice; maybe you didnt want them. You made every decision without me, taking my instincts and how well I knew you for granted. Instead of making decisions together, you just made me go with the flow and accept your choices. Was I just an accessory in your life? We both existed at the beginning because of both our efforts, but it survived because I prioritized it. You cancelled on me so many times, just cause you're tired or busy and nothing changed even if I begged. Don't get me wrong, I want you to do something you like, but if I don't play any part in them so be it. It seemed like you had too much on your mind to listen so please don't point fingers at me if I poured them to another pair of ears. Life is too short to not appreciate someone else's value and how they flourish your life. From my point of view, we lost it. We will lose it over & over again until you are finally done with it. I don't want to focus on the negative feelings, but I tried. I tried so many times to work in correcting them yet we still end up at the same point. You said you keep thinking about the happy moments, but you know what? Nostalgia is a liar in how it montages our best memories while omitting our truths. Truth is, not every experience is meant to last forever. I know you are hurting and mostly feeling remorse, but you will hurt and you will heal. In time, you will realize, you are living without the one you thought you couldn't live without. I'm sorry we came to this point but this is something I've chosen myself, and that is putting myself first. 

To my next love,

I am not obligated to keep anyone in my life and if you decide to stay, let it be mutual love that keeps you here. I will learn to stop sacrificing my own peace for the happiness of another in fear of hurting the other person. On speaking hurtful words, let's not do it, even at all. Hurtful words can be thrown anytime, but you apologise a thousand times; you can never get it back.

p.s It is when you relate and reflect on hurtful words / hurtful moments, you mistreat yourself at the worst level.