24/36

24 years old.

I've come to this realisation of life, that everything either happens all at once or nothing happens at all, life has a way of screwing with us like that.

I've never felt settled, not even when I'm in something long term.

People ace their career, buy cars, buy houses, push babies, get married - but hey, it's their life, not mine. That life is just not for me yet. 

The impulse of marriage, rearing children and 9 to 5 stability are the manifestation of evolution's inner voice inside us.

I don't think I even have any grip what more, control of the future that is to come.

Yet, we all love being in control. We love to know what had happened, what is happening and what will happen. As the saying goes, "It's not the dark itself that scares us but the lack of information it provides."

So we endeavor to know much more, a lot more, in fact if we could, we try to know it all. And how wonderful it is to be armed with knowledge we no longer have to be confused.

Knowledge is amazing. We use it to fill the void inside us that is always trying to cope with the fact that nothing ever mattered. And if nothing ever mattered, we could simply assign a meaning to those we decide mattered.

I just want to make sense of this life, this day to day struggle. This whole nonsense of unseemingly chaos.

We can pretentiously say that the journey is what matters but how can we justify what would come at the end of the road?

24, lost, unsettled, just want to know it all.