lost & anxious

Feeling so restless lately.

If only my life would go accordingly, like the others.

Sometimes, I think back and hate myself so much for what I did in the past.

What if I could turn back time, and rectify that one thing, would things still turn out this way?

No. I have not secured a job as a Pupil.

I'm still waiting..

And that's what making me restless.

I'm sorry my dear friends, who I have constantly been complaining to. Yes part of me enjoy this freedom but the adult part of me is trying to come out and say, you're so behind.. so late!

The worst part of it all... is not the waiting, it's the self doubt.

Am I really that unworthy of such a position?

Will this delay make me someone who lacks in experience and knowledge?

What if I don't get a job, ever?

Call it anxiety, whatever.

I know that if you want something, you go out there and get it, not sit and whine (like this).

Sigh. 

What should I do? To wait or just keep on trying for the next.

p.s Caught between all that was and all that must be.

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"She kept talking. She told everyone. There was more to it, and she was trying to get it talked out. After a time, she quit trying"