solo battle

I'm really glad I've outlived a once dark moment of my life where I get upset and depressed whenever I see particular photos or posts online. To be really honest, whenever I see graduation photos, chambering related stuff, an ex-band performing or practising, I often think to myself; that could've been me. Why did I have to wait for another year to graduate? The band just moved on without me. That upsetting moment can be so devouring sometimes it overpowers me. It was horrible. 

By now you must be thinking, why keep complaining when you're the reason all of these happen. Yeap, I know. I know it was all me. I did this to myself, I was the mastermind in everything that happened; I allowed myself to be affected by all of it. Dad once gave me this really good advice and that was a major wake up call for me. He told me, "Things are gonna be really rough for you. Every posts you see will break you a little, its inevitable. Just learn to overcome it."

I dare say I was really a pain in the ass. For my family and for my close friends. They had to keep listening to me rant about such small stuff which actually did make me feel a little bit better momentarily. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, I know only I can make myself feel better. Put it this way, I had to learn the hard way in becoming tough. Learning how to not let any little thing affect you was the most difficult. I resorted to being ignorant, I learnt that being thick-skinned and walking with my head up really did make me feel better. I already got used to judgemental stares which once made me insecure to the core. And the greatest of it all, pushing myself to be my best; studying extra hard, learning new skills; cooking, painting, baking, piano, sewing.. All of it was really just to redeem myself and to prove to myself I'm more than what others make me feel. 

I'm really glad I gave myself another chance.